|
Chasing Love!
By Dr. Roger A. Rhoades
Year after year
people flock to the movies to see the latest
romantic comedy. Why? Do you suppose it’s
because of the chase? And because every new
romantic comedy offers a slightly different
variation on the chase? Don’t we love to see
one of both characters chase each other
through difficult situations until finally
they end up with each other? We leave the
theater with smiles in our hearts.
We are weaned on fairy tales -- knights in
armor slaying dragons so they may woo the
fair damsels, princes searching for their
princesses. No wonder even little boys and
girls enjoy chasing one another because
according to the stories, there’s the
perfect payoff; once caught, they live
happily ever after.
I believe this message, "And they lived
happily ever after" is so deeply embedded,
that it is the downfall of many otherwise
great relationships and even more marriages.
We celebrate the act of catching, fostering
the myth that it is the nature of man to be
the chaser and the woman’s role to be
caught, and that once caught, the chase
remains history. I believe it is the
responsibility of all who want to experience
a growing relationship that they develop,
maintain, and improve their respective
abilities to chase. I see the chase as the
most underrated activity in human romance.
Every year couples look at each other and
say things like, "I love you, but I am not
in love with you any more!" When they first
came together, the last thing on their minds
was the idea that one day they would no
longer be in love with each other. They
wanted to spend the rest of their lives with
someone they loved and who loved them, not
someone who would leave them. For too many,
they bought into the message that marriage
is the grand prize and once you’ve won the
prize; you set it somewhere and admire what
you accomplished.
The romance fades as the husband and wife
neglect their lover selves. They become
worker bees, parents, cab drivers, lawn
mowers, and worse. They no longer make time
to create the chase and savor the excitement
it brings. They’re too caught up in keeping
up with the Joneses. They no longer look at
each other as great prizes worthy of chasing
but as shoulder-to-the-wheel,
noses-to-the-grindstone teammates in the
struggle of life. Their conversations shift
from sweet sharing of how they feel about
one another to whose turn it is to change
the diapers. Dealing exclusively with one
mundane situation after another bleeds all
the love out of a great relationship. The
main way to transfuse lifeblood back into
the marriage is to redevelop the chase.
To get the best picture of the chase, go
back to your kindergarten years to where the
purest form of the chase exists. Think about
two children who are interested in each
other. They don’t go up to each other and
say, "I’m very interested in you and would
like to get to know you better." Instead
they get to know each other by playing
games, and one of the most exciting is,
"Tag." This game allows them to chase after
each other with great energy and excitement.
They laugh and yell as they dart from place
to place looking for the opportunity to
catch the other person. When he tags her, he
declares, "You’re It!" and when she tags
him, she announces, "You’re It!" Unlike a
marriage that has lost its zest, the
children’s game of Tag goes on and on, each
getting the chance to chase and to be caught
over and over again. Think about how the
children look forward to playing the game
day after day with the same people. This
game seems never to tire them out. There is
something about catching someone and being
caught by someone that makes the game always
exciting.
As adults we need to apply to marriage what
we learned from playing tag. We need to be
willing to be "It," to start out being the
chaser, not waiting for the other person to
start the game. We need to be willing to be
caught but not in a fast or easy way because
that means the game lasts only a short
while; and when you’re having fun, you want
it to last as long as possible. No one likes
a person who never wants to play; it’s not
possible to get to know more and more about
anyone who prefers to play by himself and
never wants to be part of the chase. If a
person feels like he has to be "It" all the
time, he’ll lose interest and stop playing.
And we all know that when the game stops, so
does the fun.
©
1998, Dr. Roger A. Rhoades
This article appeared in the
Jan./Feb.,1998 issue of The Upstate
Child.
|
