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Love In The
Classifieds
Do You
Dare?
by Karen Hall
Reading the “personals”
column in the newspaper used
to be a source of great
amusement for many of us and
our friends. We certainly
wouldn’t have considered
answering an ad, much less
placing such an ad!
Times have changed. So
much so that placing
classified personal ads and
responding to them has
become a very acceptable way
of meeting people.
Do only the “desperate
and dateless” place ads? Are
they the only ones who
respond? No. People of all
age ranges, from all income
levels, and with varied
interests use the personal
columns. The hectic pace of
today’s world, and a lack of
ways to meet other suitable
singles makes the
classifieds an acceptable
alternative.
Sandi and Jack
Sandi met Jack, her current
boyfriend, through the
classifieds. Sandi is a very
attractive middle-aged
blonde who runs her own
company. She doesn’t look
like someone who would have
trouble getting a date. She
had been divorced for about
six months when she decided
to respond to classified
personal ads in a local
newspaper.
“I hadn’t dated anybody
since my divorce. I didn’t
want to go to a bar because
they’re full of men who pick
up women every night. I
didn’t want to meet that
kind of man.”
So why the classifieds? A
lot of people would hesitate
doing something like that.
“My girlfriend placed an
ad in the newspaper, and I
thought, gosh, she must be
desperate!
“I wanted somebody to go
fishing with me. I like
camping and fishing. I
decided to listen to some of
the messages so I called and
Jack said he liked country
dancing, going to the beach,
that type of thing.
Actually, he was a wrong
number. His ad wasn’t in the
paper yet. I punched in a
wrong number and got his
message. I liked the way he
sounded. I also called two
other men. One of them I
went out with and he scared
me to death! Jack and I hit
it off right away. We met in
a public place and we’ve
gotten along great since
then.”
The other man, how did he
scare her? “He was
aggressive. And he wasn’t
clean. He sounded okay over
the phone, so we met in a
public place, and I went out
with him one time. But that
was it, he just wasn’t my
type at all. I think you can
tell a lot about the person
by their message. One of the
men I called said ‘okay,
ladies,’ like he’s looking
for more than one. Anything
about a man being a playboy
turns me off. I thought,
he’s not looking for just
one person to go out with,
he’s looking for a number of
them. I didn’t respond to
that one. Another man
described his waterfront
home, his boat, and his kid.
I didn’t call him either. I
told Jack that if he’d put
‘extremely affectionate’ in
the ad, I’d have never
called him. I don’t want the
kind of person who hangs all
over you.”
Carl
Carl lives in south Florida.
A tall, handsome businessman
in his mid-forties, Carl’s
marriage of seventeen years
failed four years ago. His
hobby is sailing. He says he
wants to meet someone who
shares his love of the sea.
Placing classified ads in
sailing publications as well
as local newspapers is one
way that he continues to
search for a ‘first mate.’
Carl knows exactly the
type of person he wants to
meet: a petite, pretty, long
haired blonde business
professional, non-smoking
social drinker, who likes to
dance, is well read, and
doesn’t have children. She,
of course, must either like
boating or be willing to
learn.
Carl dates a lot, meeting
dates through the
classifieds, either
responses to his ads or
responding to ads himself,
through a dating service and
by meeting women at business
functions. Carl knows that
the more people he meets,
the greater chance he has of
finding his ideal mate.
The First Step
Perhaps you’re not ready to
even consider placing a
classified ad — or
responding to one — but
you’re curious. It used to
be that the only way you
could respond to someone’s
ad was to send them a
letter. You had no way of
knowing anything about the
person other than what they
wrote in their few word ad
(and someone else could have
done that for them). Today’s
classifieds, in most cases,
offer an opportunity to call
a toll number and listen to
a personal message by the ad
writer. You then have the
opportunity of leaving a
message so they may contact
you if they’re interested or
you can say nothing and exit
the system or listen to
another message. A word of
caution here: you can end up
with quite a large telephone
bill since these services
average $2 and more a
minute.
Now you get a chance to
hear the person talk, and
listen to his or her likes
and dislikes. While you may
have been intrigued by their
written ad, their vocal
message may be a total
turnoff. Or, the message
might be interesting enough
that you decide to leave
your own message. Don’t sit
by the phone waiting for a
return call, though. If you
liked their ad so probably
did a number of others. The
best phone message will get
a return call. And, don’t
take it personally if your
call isn’t returned. There
is no obligation on the
person placing the ad to
respond to every caller.
Harriett and Henry
When Harriett’s husband died
after a long illness she
felt completely lost. They
had shared a long and happy
life together and at first
she felt an obligation to
live the rest of her life
alone. As time went on she
came to feel that maybe,
just maybe, it would be nice
to meet someone with whom to
share the remainder of her
life. Having married young
and having been married so
long, she didn’t know how to
meet suitable men.
When her daughter
suggested Harriett read the
classified personal ads she
laughed. And then she read a
few. Henry’s ad seemed to
pop off the page at her. A
widower who was tired of
being alone, he sounded like
the man she was looking for,
someone who would understand
the death of a spouse and
the dilemna of dating again.
After several phone
conversations, Harriett
agreed to meet Henry early
Sunday afternoon at a very
busy shopping mall. He would
be carrying a specific
newspaper tucked under his
arm and she would be wearing
a red carnation.
Unfortunately for her,
several men showed up with
newspapers. Fortunately for
them both, they did meet,
took an instantaneous liking
to each other and several
months later were married.
“I really thought about
leaving,” said Harriett.
“And I might have if he
hadn’t been a few minutes
early. I knew it was him
right away!”
Caution and Common
Sense
Responding to a classified
ad could open the door to
unexpected grief. Common
sense should prevail when
making contact.
If you do choose to
respond, your response
should not include your last
name, your address or your
telephone number.
So, how is this person
going to get back in contact
with you?
If you are going to
respond to classified
personals, a post office box
would be a good investment.
Additionally, while you
don’t want to give your home
phone number, if you have
one of the “message line” or
mailbox services provided by
the telephone company, you
can give your message line
phone number. Your caller
will be diverted directly to
your personal message line
and if, at a later time you
wish to provide your home
telephone number, that will
be your option. The only
downside to using the
message line for phone calls
is that the line does not
ring at your home — you must
check your messages
regularly.
First meetings should be
in public places with lots
of people around. Meeting
mid-day for coffee at a
local restaurant is a good
idea.
Your first meeting should
be short so that you can
make a quick and easy
getaway should your date
prove less than compatible.
Meeting through the
classifieds is not perfect
nor is it recommended for
the faint of heart. It is
one of the ways of the ‘90’s
to meet singles of all ages
and walks of life.
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