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The DUMPED!
Break-up Survival Guide.
By Lisa Daily
Maybe you knew it was coming. Maybe you
didn't.
You've been dumped.
So, other than moping around in your
pajamas, spending quality time with Ben &
Jerry, what can you do? Well, clear away
that mountain of soggy tissues, and I'll
tell you how to get through the worst of it,
the first 30 days.
Three things: Take care of yourself. Give
yourself time to mourn. Move forward.
The first 48 hours.
The first 48 hours are the toughest. Give
yourself at least one full weekend to cry
your eyes out, eat junk food and lie around
on your couch in a broken-heart coma
watching sappy movies or a kung-fu marathon.
Try to throw a few comedies into the mix if
you can, laughter is good for you. If you
want to be alone now, be alone. If you want
to be with friends, by all means, invite
them to console you. Whatever you do, don't
call your ex. Don't e-mail your ex. Don't
see your ex. Turn your answering machine on
and screen your calls. I'm not saying you
should never talk to your ex again, but give
yourself at least a month or so to build up
your ego again. If you think you might be
tempted, by all means, invite a friend over
to run defense and keep you away from the
phone. Next, force yourself to think of the
relationship as over. Sure it's tough right
now, but it truly is necessary. Grieve for
what it was, and consider it dead and gone.
The first week.
After your first 48 hours, it is important
to get off the couch and take a shower. Not
just for hygiene reasons, (but trust me, by
this time you'll really need it) but because
it's now time to start taking action. Take
down all photos that include your ex. If you
need to have a ceremonial snapshot torching,
by all means, go ahead. Put all reminders of
your ex (letters, gifts, photos, etc.) in a
box and stuff it way in the back of your
closet, or better yet, your garage -
someplace you won't see it on a regular
basis. If you feel yourself starting to
idealize your ex, and feel the desire to
call him, sit down immediately and make a
list of all the things about your ex that
really annoyed you - the more humorous, the
better. Think hard, I know there's
something…
" The way he gave the exact same 22-minute
response to every single person who asked
how his job was going for three solid years.
" The psycho-squirrel noises he made when
she laughed.
" The cheap, ugly, green, plastic phone he
gave you for Christmas.
" The way he tried to hold in her sneezes,
producing that imploding, snorty noise
instead….
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Start
returning to your normal life. Take an extra
20 minutes with your appearance this week.
Sure, you may not feel like getting dressed
at all, but trust me, if you look good,
you'll feel even better. Wear something that
makes you feel stunning or confident.
Nothing smoothes the ragged edges of a
recent break-up like a few well-timed
compliments. If your weekend on the couch
still shows in your face, put some tea bags
on your eyelids.
Make plans with friends for every Friday and
Saturday night for the next month, and stick
to them. Get out and go dancing. It may be
the last thing you feel like doing, but
you'll find it's a fantastic release. The
music and physical activity will make you
feel tons better. Speaking of which,
exercise four times this week. Yeah, I know
you won't feel like it, but do it anyway.
You need those happy endorphins that
exercise brings. Do a little bonding with
your pals. Go to a basketball game, or even
bowling. Just get out of the house. One last
thing for this week, schedule a massage. You
need it!
The second week.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Make a
detailed list of all your good qualities.
Remember, you're a unique, wonderful,
person, and someone (probably several
someone's) will fall madly in love with you,
and you with them. Keep your plans with
friends every weekend, and by all means, do
something physical, or humorous, like going
to a comedy club. Work out (three times this
week, and for the rest of the break-up
survival period), go rock climbing, or dance
like the Backstreet Boys in your living room
(nobody will see you.) Get your heart rate
going. Aside from making your body look
good, you'll boost your mood as well. This
week is all about pampering yourself. Get a
pedicure, or sit in the sauna. You've been
through a lot, and you deserve it. Spend
some of your newfound time (and probably
extra cash, too) on something just for you.
Treat yourself to a little something nice
this week, (read: shoes) and every week for
the rest of the month.
The last two weeks.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. You're
halfway through the black period, and the
worst is over. This is when you'll start
easing back into your pre-guy routine. Be a
little selfish with your time, and do
exactly what you want to do. You should be
focusing on taking care of yourself right
now. Now is also the time to start making
long-range plans. Make two plans: One plan
for a vacation (even if it's three years
away,) and one plan for your life. You have
a clean slate, what do you want to do? Go
back to school? Become a rock star? Learn
how to make crawfish traps? No one is
holding you back now. Write down your goals,
and the steps you'll need to take to reach
them.
Holy Moly! Before you know it, the entire
month has gone by. You're through the thick
of it now, and on the road to recovery.
Sure, you'll hit some bumps along the way,
but you'll live through this. You've made it
this far, and you'll be a stronger, wiser
person because of it. Someday, you'll meet
someone who will love and appreciate you for
the amazing person you are. And this
break-up, which is so awful now, will just
be one forgotten U- turn on your path to
true love.
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