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An Explanation Of "Letting
Go"
By Bill Ferguson
The experience of love is an inner state.
When this is present, you are happy, alive
and free. You feel good about yourself and
good about life. As you bring the experience
of love into your life, life works
effortlessly and great things happen.
The opposite of love is fear and upset.
When this is present, you close down inside.
you lose your creativity and your ability to
see clearly. You get tunnel vision and you
interact in a way that almost always makes
your situation worse.
Whether you live in a state of love or a
state of upset depends, not on your
circumstances, but on how your relate to
your circumstances. A good way to see this
is to look at upsets.
Upsets seem to be caused by what happens
but they're not. Upsets are caused by your
fighting and resisting what happens. To see
this in your life, select a recent upset.
Now notice what would happen if somehow you
were at peace with what happened. There
would be no upset.
There would be no upset because upsets
aren't caused by what happened. Upsets are
caused by fighting and resisting what
happened. The moment you take away the
fighting and resisting, the upset
disappears.
To live in the experience of love, and to
create a life that works, you need to stop
the fighting and resisting. You do this
through a process called "letting go."
Letting go is the inner action that
releases the fear and upset. The moment you
let go, everything seems to change. With the
fear and upset gone, you see your situation
very differently. You become creative and
discover solutions that you could never have
seen before.
To let go, you need to do the opposite of
fighting and resisting. You need to let go
of your demands and expectations for how
life should be and make peace with the way
life is.
Find what you are resisting. Then give it
full permission to be there. If you have a
fear of losing a relationship, be willing to
lose it. If you are resisting the way
someone is, give the person full permission
to be that way.
Be willing for anything. Set yourself
free inside. Then take whatever action you
need to have your life be great.
Keep in mind that letting go is a state
of mind and has nothing to do with your
actions. Letting go is the process that
removes the fear and upset so you can see
what action you need to take.
In your heart, you can be willing to lose
someone, but in your actions, do everything
you can to make sure the person feels so
loved that he or she would never want to
leave.
To make letting go a little easier, there
are several steps you can take. The first is
trusting. Trust that no matter what happens,
you will be okay. When you know that you
will be okay, letting go becomes relatively
easy.
Trusting is also telling the truth. You
really will be okay no matter what happens.
Life is only threatening when you resist. So
stop resisting and trust. Trust that no
matter what happens, you will be okay.
The second step in the process of letting
go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be
willing to feel all the hurt and the
feelings of being not okay that your
circumstances reactivate. Be willing to feel
the hurt of being worthless or not good
enough.
The avoidance of this hurt is what makes
you resist. Once you are willing to feel
this hurt, the need to resist disappears.
You can then let go.
For example, Robert had a fear of losing
his wife Jan. To make sure she didn't leave,
he hung on to her. His hanging on then
pushed her further and further away. Robert
was afraid of losing Jan because if she left
him, this would reactivate all his hurt of
feeling not worth loving. To avoid this
hurt. He hung on.
Once he was willing to feel his hurt, the
loss of Jan ceased to be a treat. He no
longer needed to hang on and became willing
for her to leave. The moment this happened
he changed the way he related to her.
Instead of needing Jan, he started
treasuring her. Jan then felt so loved and
able to be herself, she didn't want to
leave.
This is what happens in life. The more
you are able to let go and flow with life,
the more life takes care of itself. You may
not always get what you want, but you can
always be free inside. You can restore both
your peace of mind and your effectiveness.
You can create a life that works.
To learn more about how to create and
maintain the experience of love,
click here.
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