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DUMPED!!!
You
Will Survive!
You thought it was
love. The real thing. Perhaps the two of you
shared the same feelings, but you don't now,
and you've just been dumped. You feel as
though you've been dropped into a cold dark
hole. Alone. Life is no longer fun. No one
can understand your pain. No one.
You're wrong.
We've all been there. It's a given of
relationships. Not all of them are going to
have a fairy tale ending.
There will be pain. That's a given, too.
How soon the pain subsides is dependent
on each of us. Mourning for a lost love
relationship is natural, normal and healthy.
Any loss requires a period of grieving. How
long and in what manner a person mourns is
also dependent upon each of us. Some people
appear to move almost effortlessly through a
breakup while others take an excruciatingly
long time to get their lives back on track.
Length of recovery time is not an indicator
of how much we cared.
Wallowing in self-pity and recriminations
about the breakup should not become an
Olympic event. Allow yourself some time to
reflect upon the relationship, then stop
speculating about what you could have done
to keep the relationship together. Some
relationships just won't work.
Keeping the eternal flame burning that he
or she will return? Depends upon the nature
of the breakup and that person's previous
history. If phone calls are brief and
impersonal or messages not returned, take
the hint. Give them space. If they want to
get back into your life, they'll make a
move. At that point, you will have the
option of responding. Perhaps by that time
you'll have new interests and won't be
interested in renewing the relationship. It
could happen.
Saying mean and nasty things about your
ex-lover to friends and family is a silly
thing to do in addition to being unworthy of
you. Should you and he (or she) reconcile at
some future date, you'll have discredited
yourself badly. Keep your worst thoughts to
yourself. You never know when a new and
interesting person will be nearby.
Getting dumped allows you a chance to
take a fresh look at your life. It gives you
a chance to get in touch with your feelings.
It provides time for introspection. It
teaches about freedom. Are you, for the
first time in your life, making decisions
without explaining the reasons to anyone?
This is a freedom so few people take the
time to appreciate.
Is this your first failed relationship or
do you have a history of failures? What is
different about this one than the last and
the one before that? You should be able to
draw parallels, see patterns. Does each
relationship have the same blueprint? Are
your choices setting you up for heartache?
If you can see the patterns, you can learn
and make changes so that future
relationships stand more of a chance of
survival.
Don't run headlong into another
relationship. It will be too easy to think
tender words and soft reassurances are more
than what they are meant to be. You're
aching for someone to show kindness,
validate your worth, give you a hug. Rebound
love can occur quickly and be disastrous in
the long run. You'll be exchanging one
heartache for another, and hurting someone
else in the process. Take your time. No
matter how difficult it seems. Slow down.
Stop. Observe. Not every couple you see is
happy to be with each other. While you're
envying their couple hood one or the both of
them may be envying your single status.
There are much worse things than being
single. One is being part of an unhappy
couple.
Try to avoid those things you did as a
couple that will trigger memories. We all
have special songs, special places we've
visited as a couple. Memories are fine but
if they make us particularly sad they should
be saved for another time. There will come a
time when you can listen to a particular
song without getting the blues.
Mourn your lost love. Then move on. It
will take time, but the pain will get less
and less, and one day it will be gone.
You are not alone.
Everyone gets dumped sometime.
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