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Forgiveness
. . .What's it for?
by Larry
James
"If we really want to love, we must learn
how to forgive." - Mother Theresa
Forgiveness works! It is often difficult,
AND it works!
We often think of forgiveness as
something that someone who has done us wrong
must ask of US. There is always another way
of looking at something. My thoughts on
forgiveness suggest that you focus on
offering forgiveness TO the person who has
wronged you. To not forgive them is like
taking the poison (continuing to suffer for
what they did or didn't do to you) and
expecting THEM to die!
Someone once said, "To err is human, to
forgive is Divine." Believe it!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to
yourself. It is not something you do FOR
someone else. It is not complicated. It is
simple. Simply identify the situation to be
forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to
waste my energy further on this matter?" If
the answer is "No," then that's it! All is
forgiven.
Telling someone is a bonus! It is not
necessary for forgiveness to begin the
process that heals the hurt.
Choice is always present in forgiveness.
You do not have to forgive AND there are
consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding
on to the anger, resentment and a sense of
betrayal can make your own life miserable.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be
forgiven. Nothing!
When you forgive you do it for you, not
for the other. The person you have never
forgiven. . . owns you! Just because you
choose to forgive, does not mean you have to
stay in the relationship. That is only and
always your choice. The choice to forgive is
only and always yours.
When you feel that forgiveness is
necessary, do not forgive for your their
sake. Do it for yourself! It would be great
if they would come to you and ask
forgiveness but you must accept the fact
that some people will never do that. That is
their choice. They do not NEED to be
forgiven. They did what they did and that is
it - except for the consequences, which THEY
must live with.
The hurts won't heal until you forgive!
Focus your energy on the healing, not the
hurt!
HEALTHY love relationships are not
possible without forgiveness! You cannot
have a loving and rewarding relationship
with anyone else, much less yourself, if you
continue to hold on to things that happened
in the past. Regardless of the situation,
making peace with past love partners, your
parents, children, your boss or anyone who
you think may have "done you wrong" is the
only way to improve your chances of a
"healthy" relationship with yourself or
anyone else for that matter!
It is not possible to truly be present
and available to a new relationship until
you heal the hurt and upsets of the past.
Forgiving someone else is to agree within
yourself to overlook the wrong they have
committed against you and to move on with
your life. It's the only way. It means
cutting them some slack.
"What?" you say! "Cut them some slack
after what THEY did to me? Never!" Let go!
Move on!
"The things that two people in love do to
each other they remember. And if they stay
together, it is not because they forget, it
is because they forgive." From the movie,
Indecent Proposal
Forgive and forget is a myth. You may
never forget AND you can choose to forgive.
As life goes on and you remember, then is
the time to once again remember that you
have already forgiven. Mentally forgive
again if necessary, then move forward. Given
time, the memory of the pain will fade.
There is no future in the past. You can
never live in the present and create a new
and exciting future for yourself and your
love partner if you always stay stuck in the
past.
You CAN let go. . . and forgive! It takes
no strength to let go. . . only courage. The
same energy you use to hold on (to not
forgive), is the same energy you need to
create a new and exciting relationship
TOGETHER; a relationship anchored in
unconditional love.
Forgiveness helps you move forward.
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness.
Forgiveness releases your partner from your
criticism and also releases you from being
imprisoned by your own negative judgments.
In affect, it takes the poison our of your
body. It cleanses your system of the poison
that will surely fester and cause illness
and continued misery if not released.
You cannot take the poison and expect
someone else to die. They will go on with
their life and you will be the only one to
continue to suffer. Forgiveness is the key
to your own happiness.
Forgiving someone else takes moral
courage. It ends the illusion of separation,
and its power can change misery into
happiness in an instant. Forgiveness means
choosing to let go, move on, and favor the
positive.
Forgiveness. What it's for? It creates
the freedom to create a new future beginning
now!
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