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How & Where To Meet People
When I was a married person, the majority
of my friends and acquaintance were married.
We all seemed to have the same interests.
When I entered the single life through
divorce, it was as if I had been dropped
into a vat of couples. They were all around.
Two by two. Two by two. If they weren’t Mr.
& Mrs., they were he and I or she and me —
whatever the case, they were part of a pair!
I still had friends but they were married or
involved, and now it seemed as though we had
almost nothing in common!
Then I took a good look around.
What I found were a lot of single people!
They weren’t walking around with "Hi! I’m A
Single Guy!" t-shirts or "Hey there, I’m
Available" buttons. But they were single,
and in most cases, available and looking. I
qualify "available" as not being involved in
a relationship with a significant other, and
"looking" as in they would like to meet
someone for friendship, social occasions and
possibly more.
The more I looked, the more singles I
found. Some of the singles I met bemoaned
the fact that there were so few singles in
the area. I had to disagree with them.
The first thing you do when you become
single is to get out of your house. That
doesn’t mean that every day and every night
of the week you must be out but you must
spend some time out among the community. The
goal of getting out is not specifically to
find a mate. It should be to have a good
time. People who enjoy life attract others.
Being newly single probably means you’re
feeling depressed at times. That’s okay. A
lot of people are depressed various times in
their lives. If you’re having a tremendously
difficult time coping with the loss of your
partner, consider counseling of some type.
Hospice also has an excellent bereavement
program — you are expected to grieve when
you lose a loved one even if they haven’t
died! Sometimes it takes the support of
experts and others who are going through the
same emotions to work you through the
darkest spots. If you feel bad, seek help.
The reason you need to get over the
depression and related emotions involved
with breakup, divorce, or death of a loved
one is that carrying those feelings blocks
your ability to move on with your life and
to prepare yourself to meet new interesting
people. When you do meet someone who
interests you, it is important that you not
run them off by inundating them with your
pain from a past love that has failed.
So, let us assume that you are ready to
make new friends.
Step One
To locate singles of like interests, you
need to meet people — lots of people. Your
next best friend or that special person just
for you is not likely to even know you exist
until you get out and get seen.
Don’t say there’s no place to go to meet
singles, the opportunities are more than
you’d expect. The goal is to meet compatible
singles of both sexes in order to develop
lasting friendships. Here’s where:
The Supermarket
Single men and women shop for groceries
just like anyone else. They just shop in
smaller quantities and frequent the frozen
food section a bit more than coupled persons
probably would. It takes time to decide that
cooking for one can be as enjoyable as
cooking for two (you can eat anything you
want, nobody’s watching to make certain
you’ve selected the proper quantities from
the four food groups).
Choose your favorite supermarket and
check out the produce ("Excuse me, do you
know how to tell if a melon is ripe?"), the
frozen foods ("I can’t seem to find the
chicken Newberg, have you seen it?"),
cleaning products ("I’ve been trying to get
rid of spots on wine glasses but just can’t
find a dishwasher detergent that works. Do
you have any suggestions?") Don’t be shy
about smiling and saying hello to people.
Don’t despair about long checkout lines.
That attractive man or woman in front or in
back of you might be a new friend! Casually
look at the items they’re buying as a clue
to whether or not they might be single.
(Hint: a man with women’s products is
probably not available.) Notice pet food in
his or her cart? Ask about their dog (or
cat). Improvise.
Best times to meet business types would
be most nights, Saturday mornings and Sunday
afternoons. The retired single will probably
be found shopping on weekdays.
As one man says, "The supermarket is the
best way I know to meet single ladies. I
just go up and say, ‘Excuse me, is this easy
to fix? I’m single and I don’t know that
much about cooking’."
Join Clubs
Social clubs, business clubs, and special
interest groups provide an easy way for you
to meet new people. Join a club or group
that interests you.
Joining a club is an excellent way to
meet people with interests the same as
yours. You won’t know if the group is one
with which you’re compatible until you
attend a few meetings.
If there are singles clubs in your area,
call for meeting information and, if you
have an interest, attend a few meetings. You
might not find a love interest but you just
might find some wonderful new friends.
Not all clubs or groups will directly
benefit your search for a member of the
opposite sex. Clubs that limit membership to
just men or just women might seem like dead
ends for meeting other singles. Don’t
overlook the possibility that a member has a
brother, sister, uncle, aunt, etc., who is
single and available. And again, never
overlook the chance to meet a new friend!
In Church
Why shouldn’t you look within your church
for friends and more? Sharing the same
religious beliefs is an excellent starting
point for any relationship. Many churches
offer singles groups and activities
specifically geared toward singles. Get
involved!
The Laundromat
The Laundromat remains a good place to
meet singles. Even if you have a washer and
dryer at home, it could be worth your while
to occasionally take a load to the local
Laundromat. You can always explain to that
interesting man or woman that your washer at
home is temporarily out of order.
Working singles will most likely choose
weeknights, early Saturday, or mid-day
Sunday to take care of laundry. You’ve got
plenty of time to casually strike up a
conversation with that interesting man or
woman who has just put a load of clothes in
the washer or dryer.
Opening lines are easy — just ask what
detergent they use (a retake of the line you
used in the supermarket).
How to tell if they might be single? Be
observant of the type of laundry they’re
doing. If the lady is washing men’s
clothing, or the gentleman is washing ladies
things as well as his own, they’re probably
already involved.
Go Back to School
You’re never too old to learn and it’s
never too late to learn something new. The
bonus is that while you’re expanding your
mind, you’ve got an excellent opportunity to
expand your network of contacts.
Younger singles will usually take classes
after work and on weekends. Retired singles
usually have much more flexibility with
their time and will generally take classes
on weekdays.
Never take a course that doesn’t
genuinely interest you. You’ll be much more
receptive to learning if it’s a subject you
enjoy, and, why not meet people who have the
same interest(s)?
Expect a class in auto repair to be
predominately male attendees and a class in
tatting to be primarily women.
One of the hottest learning areas right
now is that relating to computers. Computer
classes from beginner to advanced are
probably available at your local community
college. There are also computer groups
where people of all levels get together to
discuss the latest in software, hardware and
brainstorm.
If your computer has a modem, you can “go
online” and meet other enthusiasts. If you
do go online use the same caution as you
would when responding to someone through a
classified ad. Until you know a person,
don’t give them too much personal
information.
Getting Down to Business
People who are still in the workforce
have the edge on those who are not, as far
as opportunities to meet other singles goes.
The place of employment is a limiting factor
in some cases as far as meeting customers,
etc., but co-workers are an excellent source
for new friendships.
Business functions such as Chambers of
Commerce mixers should not be overlooked for
developing your singles network. Working on
community projects is the prime objective
with making new friends an added bonus when
you volunteer to assist at fundraisers,
festivals and other functions. Such
activities as these provide you places to go
and things to do without needing the company
of an escort.
If you’re interested in volunteering, but
you don’t know where to start, visit your
local Chamber of Commerce and ask.
And the List Continues...
Where else can you meet people?
Take dance classes (with a little
searching you will probably find free
lessons in virtually any popular dance). Or
sign up for a few introductory lessons at a
dance studio.
Go bowling. Join a league. You don’t have
to be a good bowler to be on a league — be a
fun bowler!
Take walks. It’s healthy for you and a
good way to meet others. Mall walk. Walk
your dog in the park.
Ride a bike.
Go to festivals, auto shows, boat shows,
sporting events.
Play on the local chamber of commerce
softball (football, soccer, bowling) team.
If you’re a woman, get your hair trimmed
at a barber shop.
If you’re a man, get your hair trimmed at
a beauty salon.
If you’re retired, get a part-time job.
Go to bookstores, computer stores,
hardware and do-it-yourself stores.
Go to flea markets and yard sales.
Go to the library and read magazines or
your favorite book there.
Sit in the park and read.
Go to the beach and read an interesting
book.
Go to the shopping mall, sit in the
center and watch the people pass. Smile.
Join a health club.
Play bingo.
Go to the auto races.
You don’t have to have an escort to do
these things. You can do these things by
yourself or with one or two friends.
Enjoy, Enjoy!
Yes, we’re repeating ourselves but you
must learn to enjoy all phases of being
single in order to attract people.
A bright friendly smile tells others that
you are approachable. It will draw people to
you.
Hi, I Noticed You Were Alone...
You’re at an event, alone. So is he or
she. The sky isn’t going to fall and the
earth isn’t going to swallow you if you go
over and say hi. Perhaps the other person
truly is not interested in meeting someone.
Don’t take it personally. Not all
introductions work.
What you must remember is that if you
don’t try you won’t know if that interesting
person is timid about approaching you. Take
a chance!
Not everyone is outgoing. You might be
surprised at those people who are shy and
who would be delighted if you took the first
step and introduced yourself to them.
You might be one of those people who is
not so outgoing. No problem, if you truly
want to meet people, you can learn! It takes
time and practice to get where to the point
that you don’t have a giant knot in your
stomach each time you approach an attractive
stranger at a social function. And some of
the most relaxed appearing people you might
ever meet still get those knots!
Expressing a genuine interest in someone
will open a lot of doors for potential
friendships to develop.
Ask questions when you meet someone new.
The purpose is to get them talking about
themselves and their interests. If you share
the same interests, you’re on the way to
making a new friend. Don’t pry into their
personal lives any further than finding out
if they are married or currently involved
with someone.
When you meet someone new, you be the
listener. They’ll like you better for it!
Turn the Tables
Ladies, don’t sit and wait for the
gentleman to invite you out. Times have
changed.
If you’ve met an interesting man and he
hasn’t invited you on a date, take the
initiative and invite him. Call and tell him
you have an extra ticket to the theater, ask
if he would like to go. Don’t take it
personally if he says no, he could already
have other plans for the evening. Tell him
you’ll give him a ‘raincheck’ and to call
you when he wants to claim it. The door is
now open for his return call should he be
interested.
Do not sit waiting for his phone call.
Like a watched pot not boiling, phones never
seem to ring when you want them to. Keep
busy!
He’s invited you out to dinner but not
asked you out again? Perhaps he’s waiting
for you to invite him to dinner!
Rules of the Game
To say that times have changed is an
understatement!
Some women want and expect men to
initiate the call for a date, open doors for
them, pay all expenses for all dates. Some
men still want to be able to do all of these
things.
Some women want to open their own doors,
pay for their own meals and call men for
dates.
Some men like this.
BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SO YOU
DON’T OFFEND THIS GREAT NEW PERSON?
The simple solution is to ask. When you
meet someone new, why not casually ask them
how they feel about men who open doors or
women who ask men for dates?
Don’t dispair if you meet a wonderful
person who feels uncomfortable assuming a
role that you’re particularly comfortable
with. Talk about your differences and learn
to compromise.
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