|
How to Get from Hmmm? . . .
TO HIM!!
by
Felicia Rose Adler
PIP=Potentially
Interesting Person
Step One, I
Contact!
Usually the first
contact made with a "Potentially Interesting
Person" (from this point forward they will
be referred to as "PIPs") is eye contact.
There are a few different types of eye
contact.
There is the
"Across the Room" eye contact, the "In
Passing" eye contact (when a PIP is passing
by you) and the all-important
"Conversational" eye contact. Each is
different in many respects, but similar in
that they are all ways of sneaking in
communication without words. In order for
that contact to have the desired impact, it
must be delivered well. It is fun and easy
when you know how. Perfecting this ability
will be incredibly useful for you in meeting
and attracting quality men!
"Across the Room"
So you're at the
7-Eleven, a restaurant or club, the market
or any public place where you see a PIP. How
do you get from hmmm?. . . TO HIM! Often in
these situations, you'll need to make eye
contact before a conversation can begin.
When making this
kind of eye contact, remember that you are
trying to convey a message with your eyes.
People have told me that they are no good at
eye-contact flirting because they always end
up looking away -- when really, this action
is in fact conveying the desired message.
Think about it. If a man stares at you and
when you look back at him he doesn't end up
looking away, you feel uncomfortable and
intimidated--more like you're being
stalked than flirted with! A man will
also feel uncomfortable if a woman overstays
her gaze.
The ideal "Across
the Room" eye-contact flirt only makes
contact for two or three seconds, and then
shyly, must turn away. Usually this will
make you smile, which is again a perfect
communication -- friendly and pleasant. It
shows you're happy that he looked back and
showed interest in you. Even blushing works
in your favor, so don't try to hide it. In
these ways, you are using your nervous
energy to your advantage.
It's important
that you let him catch you looking back at
him. Subconsciously, this tells him you are
interested. If he doesn't catch you looking
back at him, he may decide you are not
interested. Then he may not be able to get
up the nerve to come over and start a
conversation with you. Side note: If he's
looking at you when you look back at him,
that's a pretty good sign he is interested
in you. If he isn't looking at you, that's
not necessarily a sign that he's not
interested in you.
In a situation
where you have the time, this entire
sequence of looking, looking away and
looking back, should repeat itself a few
times before you move forward. This kind of
eye-contact flirting is most effective in a
restaurant, club, or in line at an amusement
park or the DMV. Use it in any situation
where you and the PIP are going to be in the
same place for a while.
"In Passing"
If a PIP is
walking past you, you must think quickly.
You must deliver a powerful enough,
instant, high-impact eye contact to
warrant him coming back for more. A
deliberate and direct "pupil to pupil"
contact is necessary! If you can think fast
enough, say "Hi" and/or "How are you?"
Either way you absolutely must SMILE! This
step is VERY IMPORTANT!!
If you are able to
deliver a direct enough hit, the PIP may
come up with some excuse to come back and
start a conversation with you. Again, allow
him to catch you looking back at him. If
he's not looking back, keep watching him so
that if he does look back at you, he will
see you looking at him. If and when he does
look back at you, show that you are happy
with a huge, kind of shy, smile. This is the
only way he will be able to get up the nerve
to come back and talk to you. It is also a
good idea to try to find a reason of your
own to pass him again.
This method can be
challenging. Even if you think fast enough
and get up the nerve, it may not work,
though often enough it does. My clients and
I have shared many success stories about
using this method. Think of it this way. If
you try and fail, you have lost nothing. If
you don't try, you will almost definitely
lose the opportunity to meet the guy. We
must be very direct in this situation
because it takes an incredible amount of
nerve for the guy to do his part. Therefore,
we must really do our part.
"Conversational"
When you have the
opportunity to "conversate" with a PIP, use
it to your FULL advantage. You may not get a
second chance. The trick is, when you look
at him, look him straight in the eye.
Make an even
stronger impact by focusing directly on his
pupils. You are almost searching for the
inner anatomy of his eyeball as you speak
and listen. You must hold this contact for a
little bit longer than is comfortable in
order to get the desired result. Finally,
you must let go of his optic nerve. You may
notice him trying to get your "tractor beam"
back onto him. This is a very good sign that
he is interested.
For the man on the
receiving end of this communication, it is a
clear sign of interest in him not just as a
date--but as an individual. You are giving
him all of your attention. He is highly
complimented and feels deeply respected. If
a guy is interested in you, this will go a
long way in empowering him to ask you out.
We will go into more powerful ways to
help/get him to ask you out throughout the
rest of the book.
Incidentally, by
looking this closely at people, you also get
a great read on exactly who they really are.
Many times they will reveal to you things
about themselves that they ordinarily would
not. They will say, "I don't know why I am
telling you all of this. I usually don't
tell such details about my life to a virtual
stranger."
If a man cannot
return your gaze, it may be a sign that he
is hiding something. It could also be
extreme shyness or intimidation, but when
shyness or intimidation is the problem, he
will usually try to reconnect with you once
you look away. Many of the women I have
taught this method to have agreed with me.
"It's almost as though I can read his mind
and see through any facade when I look at a
person this closely."
By using this
method, I have found that I can get a sense
of a person's nature. Sometimes I see
kindness or power. Occasionally, I have
gotten a very bad vibe or gut instinct. The
times I have ignored that feeling, I was
sorry. It's important that you use this
technique not only as a way of impacting a
PIP, but as a way to start figuring out if
this person is right for you.
|
