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The Huge
Advantages of Online Dating
by:
Jan Andersen
Imagine the joy of finding the love of
your life, an exciting romantic liaison or a
rewarding friendship when you are looking
and feeling your worst. You had a hellish
time at work the previous day, you feel as
though you haven’t slept a wink, your skin
would be a voyage of exploration for a
dermatologist and a crow would be more than
happy nesting in your hair. You feel tired
and fed up and your self-esteem is at an all
time low. You long for someone special with
whom to share your life, but right now you
feel that even Quasimodo wouldn’t consider
you as a romantic option. In this moment of
self-deprecation, how is meeting Mr. or Mrs.
Right possible? By taking advantage of
online dating, of course.
Helen is 38 and works for a prestigious
law firm. Her dating track record since the
tragic and premature death of her husband
five years ago has been poor. Although the
majority of Helen’s work colleagues are
male, she says, “The majority of them are
married and even if they were available, I
would not be interested. I also don’t think
I could cope with having a relationship with
someone involved in the legal sector. I
imagine that we would find it very hard to
leave our work behind. Socially, where does
one go to meet likeminded men who are
genuinely interested in a relationship as
opposed to a one-night stand?”
Helen went onto explain that she met her
late husband whilst at university and,
during the many contented years of her
marriage, she had a fairly blinkered view of
dating agencies. “I viewed them with
suspicion, assuming that they were
frequented by people who either had major
personality flaws, or else had some ulterior
seedy motive. I never once stopped to think
about how difficult it is in this day and
age to meet suitable companions in
mainstream environments. Of course, about
two years after Harry’s death when I began
thinking that I didn’t want to spend the
rest of my life alone, I realized that
meeting other people was not that easy.
Clubs and pubs really didn’t appeal to me. I
tried going with friends to wine bars, but
found that I was largely on the receiving
end of unwanted attention from men in whom I
had no interest. It was also obvious that
the majority of them were just after a quick
thrill.
Helen quickly began to view dating
agencies as an attractive option, but didn’t
really like the idea of being
computer-matched with someone. After all,
that removed personal choice and she made it
clear that she was not the sort of person
who liked having choices made for her! Her
decision to try online dating as an
alternative was made whilst awaiting a
dental appointment.
“In the waiting room, I came across an
article on online dating as I was idly
perusing the obligatory stack of
well-thumbed women’s magazines. The article
must have been particularly well written,
because I was instantly sold on the idea.
The concept of being able to peruse a
database of potential suitors whilst still
in my dressing gown was extremely appealing.
At least I knew that when I did dress up, it
would be because I actually had a date,
rather than putting a huge effort into
preparing for a night cruising around social
clubs, with no guarantee that I was going to
meet someone. After my appointment, I
couldn’t wait to get home and begin checking
out some of the sites that were recommended.
Helen spent a long time researching the
plethora of online dating sites before she
found one that she felt catered for her
needs, which of course included a level of
security.
“I wasn’t particularly drawn to totally
free sites, because I felt that they were
more likely to attract members who weren’t
particularly serious about the process, or
whose intentions weren’t entirely honorable.
I was more interested in sites that allowed
you to peruse profiles, but which required
you to pay for full membership before
allowing you to contact other members. That
way, I knew that those I contacted were
probably more serious about meeting someone
special and not just after a quick fling. I
wanted to sign up with a site where I felt
totally in control and also secure in the
knowledge that none of my personal contact
details would be divulged to anyone unless I
specifically chose to give out this
information. I was also more impressed by
sites that offered a range of relationship
advice and articles.”
Helen eventually signed up with a dating
service and says that it was one of the best
decisions she has ever made.
“At first I felt rather embarrassed
admitting to even my closest friends that I
had chosen this route, but when I did, I was
amazed at how many of them had also
considered doing the same thing. One of my
friends, whom I assumed had met her husband
at the gym, admitted that she had actually
met him via an online message forum.
Although this wasn’t the same as a dating
agency, essentially it was no different. She
had found someone with whom she shared
common interests, but whom she had not
previously met face-to-face and that is
exactly how I began broadening my male
social circle, except via a dedicated
relationship facility.
Helen says that she found the search
process “exhilarating”.
“It was like being an invisible fly on
the wall in a room full of interesting men
from all walks of life with their personal
profiles attached to them I could look,
analyze and weigh up the options in a way
that would be impossible if all those men
were in one room. The best part was the
convenience and the fact that it didn’t
matter one iota what I looked like or how I
behaved!
“I also liked the idea of initially being
able to build the foundations of a
relationship on friendship and mutual
interests, before actually meeting someone
and being blinded by lust, which of course
never lasts with the same intensity as at
the beginning of a relationship!”
Has Helen met her match?
“Very possibly”, she laughs. “I’ve had
tremendous fun and I’d like to say that I
believe I have found a relationship with
future potential, but you’ll just have to
wait and see......!!”
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